There are many sides to me, as I’m sure there are for most people, and they can be split into three broad areas nowadays. There’s the person Hannah, professional Hannah, and there’s Polly. Regardless of the side of myself, I’ve always been my own worst critic. I find the bad stuff easier to believe about myself.
Polly came to be after the other two sides of my life crumbled. It wasn’t that anything traumatic triggered it (though my life hasn’t been without trauma), but I found myself in a period that turned into a year of not being present in my own life. There are lots of things that led up to it that I won’t go into, partly because this isn’t a pity party but also because I am still quite fiercely private about some parts of my life. What I needed was a reason to get past that period in my life, and creating Polly Polish was ‘my thing’. It gave me a reason to get dressed when I didn’t feel like I had any other reason. Looking back I know that this was depression. Yes, depression is a chemical imbalance, and no I have never been diagnosed by a professional and I have never taken medication. I attempted to seek professional help but had the misfortune of being blocked by a useless GP (I have a brilliant one now so let’s not tar them all with the same brush). What I did have though, was a realisation that things needed to change and it dawned on me that I was the only person who could do that. I still didn’t truly realise how far I had let it go at this point though, I just knew it wasn’t how life was supposed to feel.